Trust

Today I am grateful that I know I can trust the Lord with my life.  I am a planner.  I like to know what is coming with the future and have it all figured out.  But I have found that I am really not very good at figuring out my own life and things don't often go according to my plans.  I have also found that circumstances I would never have placed myself in have brought blessings I couldn't have imagined. 

Back when Chris was going through the Seminary program I had a night where I was really really discouraged.  All I wanted was for him to get hired by the church, for us to be able to settle down somewhere and for us to have the stability afforded by having that kind of job.  I had this beautiful, happy future all envisioned in my head, but it just didn't seem to be working out. Chris was discouraged about teaching, the economy had tanked and the church wasn't hiring, and everything looked kind of bleak.  I felt so angry that God wouldn't want my perfect plan for a happy family to work out!

That evening, in the midst of my anxiety and frustration and anger, I had one of the most clear revelations that I have ever had.  The Lord told me directly that even if things didn't work out the way I wanted them to, it didn't mean that he didn't want me to be happy.  In fact, it meant the opposite.  I was told that Heavenly Father wants for my family what will make us the most happy and what will be the best for us.  He told me that He had amazing blessings waiting for us in our future.

I will never forget the revelation of that night. The inspiration incredibly clear, and the comfort immediate.  When Chris didn't get hired to teach Seminary we both felt amazing peace about it.  I think all the other guys who didn't get hired at the same time and even the teachers thought we were a little crazy because we were calm, and even happy about it. 

We have come down a long road since then in a direction I never could have foreseen.  And it is true that we really have been showered with blessings. Not necessarily the kind of blessings I was looking for at the time, but ones that I am very grateful for nonetheless.

Now, once again, we find ourselves at the same sort of crossroads.  Chris has submitted applications to PA school and we are just waiting.  Although I feel much as I did the last time-I really want him to get accepted and for us to be able to move on and make plans- this time I feel much more ability to trust my Heavenly Father.  I feel so much more peace in my heart knowing that his plan for our family might be something different than my plan, but that it's okay because He will always take care of us. He always has.  

Bedtime

Honestly, today the thing I am the most grateful for is bedtime.  First my kids, then mine.  It wasn't a bad day at all, just a go-go-go sort of day.

On these sorts of days sometimes the most satisfying thing is to put the kids to bed and revel in the peace and quiet, and the fact that if I clean something up it will stay clean for more than 30 seconds.  I didn't even mind the fact that I still had to clean the kitchen after they were in bed because I knew I would get to stand and think my own thoughts without anyone interrupting them.

But now, I am grateful the kitchen is clean and it is my bedtime because I am exhausted.

Good night.

Tough Choice

I had in mind what I was grateful for all day, but then this evening had several other things that came to mind as well.  But I guess I'll stick with what I woke up feeling grateful for. 

Daylight Savings.

I know, I'm weird.  I'm supposed to hate it, but honestly having it be getting light in the morning when I'm getting up is really nice for me.  It makes me much more likely to want to get out of bed and much more cheerful about starting the day.  And yes, I know that we really just went back to the normal time and so if we had just stuck to it through the summer it would have been this way anyway, but sometimes I think the change is nice.  Without it changing, I probably wouldn't have noticed the light this morning to be grateful for it. 

No, I don't really like losing an hour of sleep in the springtime, and no I don't love having it be dark by 5 at night, but I do think I may have it easier than some people who hate daylight savings in a few ways:

1-My kids aren't super early risers, so even with the time change they aren't up at a ridiculous hour.  Sunday morning the bigger boys were up at 6:45 and the baby slept till almost 8.  Not really anything to complain about. 

2-My kids are fairly flexible in their routine so the time change doesn't throw them off too much.  Although they do have a regular routine for the day, the times we do things already fluctuate an hour or so either way, and my kids deal with it fine, so they aren't too thrown off by an hour time change.  For instance, they are almost always in bed between 8-9 at night.  Some nights it is right at 8:00, and some nights it is 9:00 and some nights it is in between.  Some mornings they are up at 7, some they sleep in till 8 and occasionally William will even sleep till 9.  So really, an hour either way doesn't bother them too much.  It really has never been a big deal at all.

So anyway, I woke up this morning a little before 7 and felt ready to get up because it was already getting light outside and was feeling like morning instead of night.  And I need all the help I can get in the mornings so I'll take daylight savings :).

School

William's first day of school

Today I am feeling grateful for the school William is going to.  I really really agonized over the decision of whether to send him to school or to homeschool him this year, and then again where I should send him.  Long story short, we decided to send him to a Montessori Charter school that is conveniently pretty close to where we live. I was a little apprehensive about it, but after observing the kindergarten class at the end of last year I felt a lot of peace about sending him there and have been more and more pleased with the decision as he has gotten further into the school year. 

I try to volunteer in his classroom once a week, and this morning I went in and was reminded how glad I was to have him in the school.  I know that it isn't a perfect school or anything, and having a public montessori school isn't ideal, but I have been so pleased that his class is organized, and calm and that he obviously understands what he is supposed to be working on.  I love that his teacher really teaches them to be self sufficient in their work and that they can all work at things according to the level they are at instead of having to catch everyone up to the same level before they go on. It's fun to have William show me the things he is working on and see how excited he is to show me what he can do.

A few days ago I was talking to a friend who's son is in the class William would have been in at the regular school and she was telling me how disorganized and chaotic the whole class is and how frustrated she has been so far. I had also heard this same sort of thing from parents who had their kids in this class last year.  So this morning when I walked into William's bright, sunlit (his school has huge windows that let in a ton of natural light), interestingly and aesthetically set up classroom with children who were well behaved and understood their regular routine it just made me really happy! I'm glad to know that he is starting his school experience this way.

I am also grateful that because William has to go to school in the morning I have to get up early and get the day started quickly.  Although generally I always was a morning person, the combination of having kids who keep me up at night and having a night-owl husband has really gotten me out of the habit of utilizing my morning hours. This is something that I constantly regret, but haven't been able to get myself to change.  Now I'm glad I don't have a choice.

I don't know what kind of schooling we will do with our kids in the future.  We will more than likely do different things at different times, but I am grateful that our first school experience has been so positive thus far. 

A Day of Rest

Chris was supposed to work today from 3pm-11pm.  Because of the nature of his job for the hospital he has to work two Sunday's a month, but has been able to mostly schedule afternoon shifts so he can still attend church with us, which has been really nice.

Still, it is always a bummer knowing that as soon as we get home from church Chris will have to hurry and eat, and then run off to work.  So today it was a wonderful surprise when we got home from church and Chris had a message saying that they didn't have enough patients for him to have to come in for his shift.  Yay!

And then we proceeded to have a wonderful, relaxing Sunday afternoon and evening.  The older boys actually played quietly and listened to an audio book while the Baby slept, and I got to snuggle with Chris and even take a little nap.  

It still seems like such a luxury to have Chris all to myself two days in a row.  Like being rich!

Saturdays

Chris has worked on Saturdays for a long time. And for a long time he has been so busy working and going to school that the kids often went days at a time without seeing him. 

In July Chris got a job working for the hospital in addition to his satellite job, and since his school was then significantly less he started working 60-70 hours a week between the two jobs.  On top of that, he came down with a bad case of Shingles, and was dealing (and is still dealing) with the effects from that. 

Although we were enjoying having a good income again, since we had gone so long with him working a minimal amount, I started urging him to take Saturdays off work. He was reluctant because of the income, but we knew his health was suffering, and I also knew our family was suffering.  And those things are just more important than money. 

So for the last month Chris has had Saturdays off.  And we love it.  It is so nice to have a whole day with him every week! Today he made waffles for breakfast while I was at a baptism, and then spent time working in the yard with the boys while I worked inside. Later we took a walk at the river and went to the store as a family.  When we came home he helped me make dinner, and then did the dishes afterward. 

Last week we went hiking with some friends and their kids.  I don't remember the last time we were able to do something like that with another family. 

I know that at some point we will probably have to give up our Saturdays again, but for now I am just going to enjoy them and try not to take them for granted.  The money we give up is nothing compared to the satisfaction and joy gained from having Chris home with us. 

A Bag of Books

Well hellloooooo.  It's been a while...

Last year I attempted to do a thankfulness post every day in November, and kind of failed, yet I really enjoyed doing it and focusing day to day on what I was thankful for or what specifically had made me happy each day.  I figured I'd give it another try this year, and although I probably still won't be perfect at it, at least it'll help me focus on gratitude and my blessings throughout the day.

I find that I really struggle this time of year. I have a hard time when it starts getting cold outside, and my kids don't want to go out to play, and when it gets dark so much earlier.  Isaac gets very "busy" (read destructive and aggressive) when he is bored and cooped up inside and he and William get on each others nerves a lot more easily.  It really tries my patience, and I find myself short tempered, easily frustrated and irritable. So this is a perfect time of year for me to make a deliberate effort to focus on the positive.

Today I am thankful for the public library. Seriously, it is the coolest thing ever that for free (yes, I understand that we pay taxes and that I also continually pay fines for late movies...but you know what I mean) we have access to thousands and thousands of books, and movies, and audiobooks and ebooks. And there is the internet access, and educational activities for kids, and summer reading programs, and story time, and all the other cool stuff at the library. And the fish.  My kids love the fish at the library, and I remember loving them when I was a kid. 

We went to the library today, and I picked up a book I am excited to read about teaching violin.  I have started teaching violin lessons again and since it's been quite a while since I taught or took lessons myself I am a little out of my comfort zone and have been doing quite a bit of study on the subject.  It's awesome that I can jump online and find all sorts of videos and posts and suggestions, but I also think it is awesome that I can check out books.  There is just something about being able to physically turn pages and carry a book around with you that I'm not sure I'll ever quite be able to replace with a smartphone.

My kids did their usual things when we got there-the older boys ran in ahead of me while I got Elijah in the stroller, and were attempting to drive the motorized wheelchairs by the time I got in the doors.  After yet another lecture about how the wheelchairs are not toys we returned our over due movies and proceeded upstairs to pick out some new ones, stopping for a minute first to check out the fish.  Typically Isaac chose his movie in about 1 minute and proceeded to run all around and pull a bunch more off the shelves while William agonized over his decision.  He absolutely refuses to try any movies I suggest and acts as if this will be his only chance to ever pick a movie in his whole entire life.  This happens every.single.time. Finally when Elijah was trying to climb out of the stroller, and Isaac had run off somewhere I turned around to leave and William grabbed wildly for a movie and ran after me.

Once I located Isaac we headed upstairs to get my book which I did as quickly as humanly possible to minimize the amount of time Elijah had to pull books off the shelves, which he can do in those narrow isles, and we headed back down the ramp to pick out children's books. The boys grabbed the first few books they saw, Isaac insisting that his pet dinosaur also needed a book, then ran off to the computers to play games while I checked everything out and the sweet librarian oogled Elijah.

Later, when we were eating dinner I was really considering putting on a movie for the kids to hold them over until bedtime. Chris wasn't going to be home till late and I was tired and didn't feel up to the general evening shenanigans. .But then I saw our library bag full of books and instead of a movie we sat down and read through all the new books they had chosen. And even though each of the big boys ended up in time out at some point in our reading, and the baby dumped water all over the kitchen table, chairs and floor, I was able to keep my temper and enjoy having my kids snuggled up to me.  It really was a blessing to look over and see that full bag of books and know that I had something peaceful that we would all enjoy doing for the rest of the evening.

Our cute library bag my SIL gave me, and a book about chickens.  The big boys always get a book about chickens for Elijah if they see one because they know he loves chickens so much.