Yes I can...

Do you ever have a feeling of inadequacy? I have to admit that when I began teaching seminary the beginning of this past trimester this was not an unfamiliar emotion. I would ask myself "Am I really cut out for this?" and have thoughts such as "I don't think I am helping anybody make a difference in their life." These are thoughts I believe many people are acquainted with in their various roles in life.

Some days would be spectacular. There would be a great general feeling of edification throughout the lesson. Those days I have treasured and used to propel myself forward. Other days I would take hours to prepare the lesson and still feel that the day went terribly and that the students left with little or no desire to be better. Throughout the trimester this has been the see-saw I have ridden.

After one particularly wild day (where the kids were bouncing off the walls so much so that the Holy Ghost didn't even have a chance to give them a bear hug or hand shake) I came to the conclusion that I could improve. "If my wife can do hard things, so can I" was my train of thought. Besides, what is better than improving oneself and making changes for the better. Only happiness results.

Things have progressively improved. I have come to enjoy even the bad days, because they too are good, and even if the lesson goes awry the students still know I love them and enjoy the upward struggle we're all in together.

To add to my happiness, in a recent class I had asked the readiness question, "When is a time in your life where you have felt the Lord either Provided for, Protected, Guided, or Preserved you?" As we went through some of the students experiences the kids shared things such as family being protected from an ex-spouse and having help on tests. After a few comments I said, "Does anyone else have something they have been blessed with by the Lord," to which a student named Shawn said, "Brother Cutler." I have to admit I was taken aback. After gaining my composure I further questioned, "Shawn, what do you mean by that?" With a smile on his face he said, "Well before seminary I didn't really try to pray and read my scriptures." He went on to say that he felt happier and that he had more help in doing what was right because of being in class.

This experience lifted my spirits to such a degree that I felt greatly humbled. In all my struggling and trying to help them see the amazing happiness there is in striving to understand and live the truths of the scriptures and restored Church, I found help. The one thing that can truly help us understand is the Spirit and somehow it reached them. Needless to say, I have been bettered myself and now have an increased desire to teach seminary.

I have at least two more semesters left in my own schooling before I am in a position to be hired. I have been invited back to teach the next trimester, but at a different school now. I will be teaching 1st hour rather than 5th and it will be at Rigby rather than Sugar Salem. There are less student teaching positions available this trimester, so I am grateful to be invited to continue. Who knows where this will all lead, but with whatever happens it has been worth it for what I have learned. I have a tendency to avoid the things in life that I fear I might fail at, but I am learning to risk.

Here's to leaving comfort zones, loving others, and being no longer inadequate with the Lords help.