Trust

Today I am grateful that I know I can trust the Lord with my life.  I am a planner.  I like to know what is coming with the future and have it all figured out.  But I have found that I am really not very good at figuring out my own life and things don't often go according to my plans.  I have also found that circumstances I would never have placed myself in have brought blessings I couldn't have imagined. 

Back when Chris was going through the Seminary program I had a night where I was really really discouraged.  All I wanted was for him to get hired by the church, for us to be able to settle down somewhere and for us to have the stability afforded by having that kind of job.  I had this beautiful, happy future all envisioned in my head, but it just didn't seem to be working out. Chris was discouraged about teaching, the economy had tanked and the church wasn't hiring, and everything looked kind of bleak.  I felt so angry that God wouldn't want my perfect plan for a happy family to work out!

That evening, in the midst of my anxiety and frustration and anger, I had one of the most clear revelations that I have ever had.  The Lord told me directly that even if things didn't work out the way I wanted them to, it didn't mean that he didn't want me to be happy.  In fact, it meant the opposite.  I was told that Heavenly Father wants for my family what will make us the most happy and what will be the best for us.  He told me that He had amazing blessings waiting for us in our future.

I will never forget the revelation of that night. The inspiration incredibly clear, and the comfort immediate.  When Chris didn't get hired to teach Seminary we both felt amazing peace about it.  I think all the other guys who didn't get hired at the same time and even the teachers thought we were a little crazy because we were calm, and even happy about it. 

We have come down a long road since then in a direction I never could have foreseen.  And it is true that we really have been showered with blessings. Not necessarily the kind of blessings I was looking for at the time, but ones that I am very grateful for nonetheless.

Now, once again, we find ourselves at the same sort of crossroads.  Chris has submitted applications to PA school and we are just waiting.  Although I feel much as I did the last time-I really want him to get accepted and for us to be able to move on and make plans- this time I feel much more ability to trust my Heavenly Father.  I feel so much more peace in my heart knowing that his plan for our family might be something different than my plan, but that it's okay because He will always take care of us. He always has.